Friday Funnies – Email of the Week

From my friend Barry

 Quotes from David Feherty

Feherty is a Golf Channel announcer who finds very unique, colorful
And uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his
Mind…… Probably always on time delay these days.

Feherty Quotes:

“Fortunately, he (Rory) is 22 years old so his right wrist should be
The strongest muscle in his body.”

“That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.”

“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week. He is attending the
Birth of his next wife.”

“They don’t do comedy at the Masters. The Masters, for me, is like
Holding onto a really big collection of gas for a week. It’s like
Having my buttocks surgically clenched at Augusta General Hospital on
Wednesday, and surgically unclenched on Monday on the way to Hilton
Head.”

Jim Furyk’s swing – “It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”

“He’s (Luke Donald) a bloody walking ATM. I slid my AmEx between the
Cheeks of his ass and out popped $500.”

Describing VJ’s prodigious practice regime – “VJ hits more balls than
Elton John’s chin.”

“That’s a great shot with that swing.”

“It’s OK – the bunker stopped it.”

At Augusta 2011 – “It’s just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a
Day like this would be to play golf on it.”

“That was a great shot – if they’d put the pin there today.”

“Everything moves except his bowels.”

“Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a
Balloon near the edge of a cliff.”

“That green appears smaller than a Pygmies nipple”.

Friday Funnies – Corner Gas

Corner Gas

A classic Canadian comedy, Corner Gas is set in small town Saskatchewan.  Having lived there, I can see a lot of truth in what happens in each episode.  You can’t stop me from spreading my pink eye revenge.

Things I Never Thought I’d Say – I’m A Glitter E. Yaynus

Not only that I am pleased to be a member of this exclusive award.  I even propose a theme song for all of us proud recipients.

Now that I created our anthem, I now post our glorious flag.

My fine blogging buddy, El Guapo was the person who has nominated me for this, the most coveted award in blogdom. And now to the puns, and fun and personal embarrassment portion of today’s festivities.

First, I must name 5 things I do that make people hate me.  This is easy.

1. I am confident that I am right about most anything.

2. I, like my friend El Guapo, am a bit of a music snob.

3. Canada is the best country on Earth, doesn’t that piss you off that I am Canadian and you’re not.

4. I am a procrastinator, drives Lori nuts.

5. I say, I’ve been there and it was awesome a bit to much.

Second I must list 5 things that I would stick up my ass if forced to.  The key word is forced as my sphincter (other than a prostate exam) is a one way valve.

1. My Teemu Selanne autographed rookie card, because I know it would be safe and warm.

Teemu Selanne of the Anaheim Ducks. Vancouver,...

2. A picture of my worst enemy, because I could crap all over him whenever I needed to.

3. A well wrapped ham sandwich, just in case I get hungry.

4. A flashlight, so I can find the other stuff.

5. A surfboard, always liked that band.

Then, and I have no idea why, I must run across a freeway blindfolded.  I’m going to do this, but I’m going to wait until I get a dog.

And finally I must Pick a Prom Court.  this would be a tricky bit as not only do you have to find 5 people (or so) that haven’t received said award, they must also have a pretty good sense of humor.  So here goes.

Short and Fun because the answers should be good.

Sightsnbytes because we need a Newfoundland viewpoint.

Magsx2 for the Australian view from down under

Facehookin’ because this could be very interesting.

Words You Can’t Unsay because H.E. got one.

Well, this is done and I apologize to the new members most profusely. Peace,Out!

Stay Classy YouTube

This one deserves a look-see.  The life of a bachelor at 50?  His motto “always live your life on the edge”.

Friday Funnies – Red Green

McKenna as Harold Green (left) on The Red Gree...

Magsx2 posted a video from a Canadian comedy show last week, which, unfortunately, stole my thunder for my Friday series as he, along with SCTV, Kids In The Hall and a few others were to be part of my Friday repertoire.  Oh well, nice to see that Red is appreciated in other places than Canada.  I now take you to Possum Lodge for an installment by Red Green on how to repair a headlight.

Friday Funnies – Kids In The Hall

I loved the Chicken Lady.

Friday Funnies – 30 Creative Bag Advertisements

Hit the link, these are hilarious. This is an example.

Shopping Bag

Thanks to the Bored Panda for gathering these up for us to enjoy.

30 Creative Bag Advertisements | Bored Panda.

Sunday E-Mail Funnies

A couple of funnies from my email this week.

The Arab and the Scotsman

An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincent Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.
Finally a Scot was located who had the same blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: “I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money… But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies”.

To this the Arab replied: “Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins

 

And the second contains an excellent strategy for men.