This one is definitely important. Don’t need the livestock escaping. It appears that whoever built this gate did not spend as much time on the fence. Seems to have outlasted it by a stretch. From the look of the well-worn path, people still use it religiously.
I’m thinking this one is has to be in Philadelphia, likely at the towing compound. Probably quite a few heads exploding as they mulled over the twist and turns of logic in its inherent evilness. I classify it as helpful, but only to the chosen few that can decipher the zen meaning behind it.
Today’s educational sign will make eating pizza so much more enjoyable, or, in other words, the nanny state loses its’ perspective on reality. Or perhaps someone won a lawsuit against the box maker. I don’t know, but you have to admit it is very, very helpful.
As a public service, I will be posting a series of helpful hints and educational signs that will be helpful in our daily lives. Enjoy today’s helpful sign that may actually save you some horrific injuries. Helpful hint for budding photographers, try not to do a selfie while capturing the shot.
In case you were wondering.
The U.S. Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that’s the way they built them in England , and English expatriates designed the U.S. Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.
Why did ‘they’ use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular Odd wheel spacing?Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England , because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So, who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels..
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore, the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. In other words, bureaucracies live forever.
So the next time you are handed a specification, procedure, or process, and wonder,
‘What horse’s ass came up with this?’, you may be exactly right.
Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses.
Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, you will notice that there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.
The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.
The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit larger, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature
Of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two
Thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s ass.
And you thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important!
Now you know, Horses’ Asses control almost everything…….Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn’t it?
Apparently, these were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)Â True or not, I wish I’d said a few of them.
Q:Â Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (Â UK).
A:Â We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q:Â Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (Â USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Â Sweden)
A:Â Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q:Â Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (Â UK)
A:Â What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (Â USAÂ )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
… Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A:Â Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
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Q:Â Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (Â UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
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Q:Â Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (Â USA)
A:Â Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q:Â Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (Â UKÂ )
A:Â You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
 Milk is illegal.
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Q:Â Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (Â USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:Â I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (Â USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:Â I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (Â USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q:Â Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (Â France)
A: Only at Christmas.
It seems like my buddy in the Dominican Republic either has too much time on his hands, or he is planning to invade Haiti. Pirate Guy builds a trebuchet.
As I understand, the rest of the world does not celebrate ice hockey as we Canadians do, so I figured a quick primer for the rest of the world would be required. This primer is specifically geared to the teams that made the playoffs and focuses on the Canadian based teams that qualified. Vancouver fans may not like this very much so avert our eyes and move on. Please ask your questions in the comments and I will do my best to enlighten you.
Our favourite handyman, Red Green, upgrades the carburetor on his car. Sweet!!!
Red Green has some tips for window washing. His theory, it is dangerous and “people make you do things you don’t want to do, like have kids”.